I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
