Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
