U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
