ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
