Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
North Korea, Best Korea!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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