he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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