i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize