sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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