Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
