I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
