You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
