I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
