dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
