Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
