he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
