who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
