The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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