and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
