the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
