So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She told me I should be a condom model.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
