Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
