I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
