It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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