Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize