i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
