We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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