you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
