Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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