I can tuck mytits in my pants
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize