im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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