So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
