everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
