I must be too annoying 4 u.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize