I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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