i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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