your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
