if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
