dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
only you would photoshop your dick
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
