I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
