I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
