We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
