I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
