Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
