I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
