Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
