My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
