I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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