Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
