U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
