Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
