Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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