To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My feet surprised me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
