So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
