are you still at the devil's house?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
