So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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