im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm at about main and main street
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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