I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
