I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
