12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
