Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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