So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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