Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
