this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize