I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
