well I can't set my house on fire every night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
