From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
