My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
