if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have post one night stand depression
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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