so that wasnt chicken after all
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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