Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
