My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
