I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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