When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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