Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
