And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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