so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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