That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i drank out of a bidet.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
