I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize