her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
