You surviving the open bar?
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some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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