he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
