We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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