He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
