i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
