im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
