My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
