Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it because I queefed?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
