I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
