some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
two words...techno handjob
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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