I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
