I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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