i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
